|
|
TERA
CHEHRA...
|
The most memorable part in every man’s
life is that small portion or episode in his story wherein he first tasted the
fruit of love. And more often than not, it happens at a time when he is least
polluted by the bodily love and with impurities like worldly desires, jealousy,
greed for money, power etc... far far away from his slightest of thoughts. Well
it happens at an age when he is confused between love and infatuation, on the
threshold of adolescence. His love ranges from an actress he grew fond of... to
his English class teacher who smiles at him and from the girl next door to his
best friend since school days. And it is exactly at that point of time that he
wishes the world would just freeze, take a nap for a while, time ceases to tick
away, and his dream land would include just him and his love...Love makes life
beautiful...
My
dear readers, just sit back, relax, close your eyes and mind, open your heart
and relive all those magical moments once again... Remember that day when you
first saw her, remember the first time you dared to confront her, remember that
moment when you shyly and fearfully proposed to her and even as you are
immersed and lost in her thoughts and me in mine, what stands out in my memory
today, from all those wonderful times we had spent together, from all those
frames of images that flashes in my mind, is that horrifying day, the 10th of
April, 2006...
Sometimes you feel life is mocking at you. How many times have we not
come across a situation, where in as we reach the zenith of joy and just as we
believe that we would remain so at the peak for eternity, a small nudge and we
dive deep into the abyss of dejection. Isn’t life similar to a roller
coaster ride??? Hold on a sec... If you are wondering why I am deviating from
my focal theme...Here I come... The 10th of April happens to be
the day I chose to tread upon this beautiful planet called Earth. It was my
birthday. And like anyone else, even my special day started with all the
excitement. As the clock struck midnight 12, a black forest cake smeared
completely all over my face, my back whacked by my friends in the name of
wishes, messages forcing their way onto my mobile and distance calls from near
and dear bursting my ears... I couldn’t have asked for anything much better.
But as it always happen, my heart was searching for someone special. “Why
hasn’t she called me? Not even a message!!! What’s wrong with her?” As I was
immersed in these thoughts, the call finally came at 6’o clock in the morning.
I was asked to come to the terrace top and she being the girl next door, all
she had to do was just jump onto mine. This was how we usually met each other
day in and day out for the last... I don’t remember how many years.
But this time it was something special, something quite different from
all our other meetings. I was meeting her after a long time. So my heart was
about to quench its thirst, having not seen her in what seemed like a century
though in human calculations that would only amount to a month. This past one
month had been a nightmare for both of us. I guess it requires no special
mention as to what generally happens in your life when your parents find out
that you had fallen in love, (to make things worse at just 16 years of age!!!)
Well that’s precisely what happened to me also. House arrests, unasked advise
and philosophy about love and life, loads of examples in history as to how love
is just an infatuation...these became the order of the day in my life. But
amidst all this chaos, there was still a ray of hope.
I don’t
remember the last time she had missed wishing me on my birthday.... (Was
it in class 4 that she forgot and we stayed mum for a week in protest...it was
me though that broke the mum...she was always the winner...) But
little did my heart know that even before it could sip in a few drops of love;
it would be derived of its very existence, choking it to death... “Has
she chosen this moment, of all to convey that dreadful message? Why is she
trying to poke the wound, making it incurable even for the most efficient
physician...TIME?” And then we met... The eyes that knew each other
for so long suddenly felt unfamiliar. There was an air of discomfort and it was
she who finally broke it. But all she said was that it seemed wiser for her to
go for a break up, now that it seems to be impossible for us to continue our
relationship any longer. I don’t know if she still remembered that
it was my birthday, but she was still, composed and emotionless as if she was
talking to some stranger that she disliked talking to. “Was she feeling
unsecured about her life? Had she yielded to the pressure of her family? Can
she ever forget the sacrifices I had made for her sake? How can girls be so
selfish?” Anger, frustration and emotions took over my faculties and
in a moment of disgust I slammed back at her saying that I would never again
see her face in my life and that I would believe that she was the worst thing
that happened in my life. With that I stormed back into my house leaving her in
what at that time didn’t look like tears at all to my foolish eyes. I thought
it was my eyes that were wet. A week later I secured for myself an admission in
a college in Bangalore, left our city and had settled down there ever since.
“I would never again see her face in my life”... how foolish I
was!!!... I remember one moon lit night as we were cuddled into each other’s
arms, she asked me... “ can you ever live without me?”... to
which I said,“ Is there life without you?”... Then how
would it ever be possible at all for me to imagine a day without the thought
about her... She was my very being...
Teri yaad aati hai...
“Every
time I close my eyes I see you so vividly
That
makes me feel time is only ticking away timidly...
Where
do I begin my cute little love story?
That
for ages now remained with me as a mystery...
O!
my love, have you forgotten the promise you once made
Then
why have you left our love to dust and fade...
I
can’t remember a single night that I haven’t sorely cried
Look
into my eyes, you would find those tears that still haven’t dried...
The
time we had spent, the happiness we had shared, O! what a pity
Today,
they are nothing but mere blips on the canvas of eternity...
My
life without you is dark and black
I
can stand no more, plzzz come back...”
“The face that greeted me every
day, the face that brought smiles to my face no matter what problem I was
facing... the face that was ever innocent and child-like... I am missing it. Or
maybe I am not actually missing you because...I would miss you only if I start
feeling ur absence... but you are like a ghost that never left me...that
surrounded my very being... that drew blood from my body but at the same time
was the sustenance that kept me going... I know not where you are... I am still
dreaming of that day when you would come back to me...i know that you are hurt
too... i know that you cried too...but why did you do all this... that you
forgot our 15 years of friendship...i am no fool to believe... but what’s that
keeping you at bay.. is what i am unaware of... where do I find you again???...
I know you wanted to tell me the truth... but at the same time wanted to remain
mum... could you not share it with me... did I all of a sudden become a
stranger... tell me why???”
Dated:
10th April 2009
My Diary...
This summer, on the 10th of
April 2011, I had gone to my native place... the place where I grew up
studying, the place that reminds of me of those magical moments that I had
spent with my love... I wanted to know what happened of her, fully aware that
time had cured me, making me strong enough to face any adversity. I had begun
to forget her. She was now just a sweet past to me. But it was my curiosity
that brought me there. I went to my old house and sure enough even after
seven long years the place hadn’t changed much... I made myself bold enough to
go to her house, which as I had mentioned earlier, was just adjacent to ours...
I met her parents... they were warm and nice to me which wasn’t quite a
surprise to me given the fact that I knew them all through my childhood.... I
had literally grown with their daughter in that house... But all through the
conversation they had intentionally avoided any conversation that would mention
their daughter. Unable to withstand any longer, I finally held the courage to
ask what happened of her, what she was doing and all that... What followed next
was uneasy silence.. Seeing me getting annoyed, finally her father started
speaking. But even as he was to start speaking, he burst into unconsolable
sobbing. I was shocked, unaware as to what I must be doing then... what
followed then for the next one hour is the most unforgettable conversation that
i had in my life...
My dear readers, lemme go back to where I had actually begun this post... the
most memorable part in anyone’s life is that first love that he had experienced
when he was a kid... and that is because of the pure and selflessness that
childhood crushes are all about... I was no exception to it. I always thought
that my girl had left me and gone away forgetting all the promises she made.
But did I ever think why she had to do it when it would equally pain her too?
There lies the crux to the problems that man faces today in his love life.
Think about your partner too!!! And that’s precisely what my girl had done for
me too... She thought about me and thought only about me...not what the world
around her would say, not what her parents would say and she had sacrificed
everything and even in her death she ensured that I suffered no pain at all...
All through she was suffering from a chronic ailment which had only one
cure...her death... So the parents coming to know of our love was all her
story... the break up was all her story... the emotionless stoic behavior was
all her story... all through she gradually withdrew herself from me... created
in me a hatred for her when I should have been loving her for the sacrifices
she made. Now everything makes sense... why she was crying when she wanted to
break up with me. In my frustration, I had gone away saying, “I would
never again see her face in my life”... How I wish I can see her just
one more time... say how much I actually loved her... Teri yaad
aati hai...
Jab
chandani badhkar
Raaton
per chaati hai
Teri
yaad aise mein
Dil
ko tadpati hai
Teri
yaad aati hai...
Kisse
o bahroon ke
Beete
nazaron ke
Phir
ga ke sunati hai
Aur
humko rulati hai
Teri
yaad aati hai...
Itna
to batao kya
Yehi
chandani jaakar
Koi
khwaab jagati hai
Tumko
bhi sataati hai
Teri
yaad aati hai...
0 comments:
Post a Comment